Passive-Aggressors: The Timid Intimidators

First, you must determine whether the relationship is worth the effort. If you are committed to this person, then you will want to take several steps toward improving the relationship.

Don't get mad.

If you become angry, then the passive-aggressive person has already won. His indirect, behind-your-back attack is nearly impossible to prove, but your honest and outright natural response can be easily seen. If you blow up, he will paint you as the villain.

Be direct.

Because passive-aggressive people are virtually unable to be open and honest and straightforward, this is exactly the best counter-attack. Confront him earnestly, kindly, and directly. Be bold and strong, but not spiteful. Take the higher road, as much as possible.

Try to offer facts and proof, whenever you can.

Passive-aggression is based on deception. The smiling wolf is really the aggressor, although he may not look like it. Keep a journal of interactions, so you cannot be talked out of your convictions.

If you truly love the passive-aggressive person, try to reassure him of that.

Establishing trust takes a lot of time and effort, particularly with a person whose fear has built iron-clad defenses around him.

Surround yourself with other people who will affirm you and help you build your confidence.

These folks can help you to offset the damage the passive-aggressive person is doing to your psyche.

Find something you are truly good at, something you love to do, and do it well.

Although the passive-aggressive person may try to sabotage your success, do not allow this to derail you! You will need to carve out areas of confidence for yourself, aiming for arenas in which the passive-aggressive person does not compete.

Overall, recognize your own worth and your existence apart from the passive-aggressive person.

Define and defend your own personal boundaries. Learn to recognize the sneaky attacks, and exercise tough love, if needed.

Above all, try to separate your own sense of identity and self worth from the passive-aggressor. His misconceptions and false perceptions of reality and especially of you are not real. You are capable and strong and much better than he would have you believe.