Forum Etiquette: A Guide to Posting in Online Message Boards

8 Satirical "Rules" for Posting Online

When posting in online forums, adhere to the following guidelines to ensure you get the most out of your online experience.

Rule 1: Argue! This is absolutely the most important rule of posting in any online forum and many of the other rules are based upon it. Be sure to start an argument whenever the opportunity presents itself. In fact, even if the opportunity doesn't present itself, argue anyway. After all, people don't come to message boards to share ideas, have polite discussions, or learn new things; they're there stricly for the non-stop arguments so be sure not to disappoint. Also, be sure not to back up your arguments with any facts.

Rule 2: Flame other posters. This rule goes hand in hand with rule 1. You're already starting an argument, so why not insult someone while you're at it? Don't just disagree with the previous poster's post; make it personal! If member John293 creates a topic about why he feels the war in Iraq was uneccesary, you should respond with "No John, the war was right and you're stupid for thinking otherwise." Better yet, throw in an insult that has nothing to do with the topic of discussion and make sure it's an insult about their appearance or something in their personal life you couldn't possibly know anything about. Take the previous example about user John293's anti-war post. An even better response would be "No john, the war was right and you're ugly."

Rule 3: Never, under any circumstances,use proper spelling and grammar. Doing so will only confirm that you are a nerd. Instead you should shorten three letter words such as you and are and express them as single letters like U and R. Be sure to substitute as many letters in a word as you can with numbers. Spell these words wrong as well. For example, instead of typing "I Like to eat," you should type "i L31k 2 34t." Also remember to never ever begin a sentence with a capital letter. This will only make your sentences easier to understand and in turn easier for whomever you're currently arguing with to pick apart and respond to your posts.