Is Catherine Zeta Jones a Tool?

She's pretentious and stunning. But which characteristic is more prominent? She is on my list of celebrities I wouldn't mind looking like. She's also on my (admittedly long) list of celebrities I wouldn't want to have a drink with.

Looking at her, I think, wow what a waste. She is absolutely stunning, and possibly insane. I think of her as not being a good steward of her good looks. I can think of dozens of actors in Hollywood who women would love to climb like a tree. Michael Douglas is not one of them. I suppose there is some kind of attraction there on the basis of personality; I'm sure she doesn't need the money. It's just that Catherine Zeta Jones (CZJ) is such a gorgeous specimen, and if I looked like that I'd want the whole package. Additionally, if CZJ is pairing up with Michael Douglas, what hope is there for those of us who look a little more average? Catherine, you're throwing off the curve for the rest of us.

So not only does she set this dangerous precedent for other women, she is completely convinced of her superiority. She comes off as pretentious in nterviews. In the July issue of InStyle, she brags about her legs and at one point asks the reporter if she can have their fries.

What initially tipped me off to the fact that CZJ might be a tool were her comments during the lawsuit against Hello! magazine in 2003. The magazine published unflattering and unauthorized photographs of their wedding. In her testimony, she said, "One million pounds is a lot of money maybe to people in this room, but not us."

To further thicken the plot,however, she has done good things, like donating to charities for children. Does this mean she's no longer a tool? Maybe, maybe not. She's probably done more than I have. But plenty of celebrities do nice things and aren't so condescending.

If CZJ is indeed a tool, I want to look like a tool as well. Her most striking feature is her lips, which I'm convinced can be faked with the right lip liner.