Pee Wee Herman is the Tour De France Winner, but What Are You?

Paris, France - Longtime cyclist Pee Wee Herman won the 2007 edition of the Tour de France, an annual bicycle race around the European country. Herman rode the multi-stage race in the fastest overall time, finishing 8:57 ahead of his closest rival, American Levi Leipheimer.

Herman, riding for Chuck's Bike O'Rama and Mario's House of Magic, thanked his mechanic, Dottie, and his loyal dog, Speck.

Riding a bright red Schwinn Cruiser equipped with multiple gadgets, Herman seized control of the race during Stage 7, a 75-meter time trial, and held his lead as the pro peloton rode into Paris. However, it was unclear whether the cyclist would even make it to the starting line of this year's race, as he was delayed at the Alamo, where he claimed his bike was stored in the basement. When told that the Alamo has no basement, Herman set off on an adventurous search for his bicycle, a quest that took him as far as Hollywood, where he rescued his two-wheeled steed from a glamorous Hollywood set in time to see a drive-in movie with Dottie, Speck, Chuck, and a dangerous motorcycle gang, before making it to the annual race.

The 2007 edition of the annual race also finished much as the 2006 Tour, under a cloud of doping and cheating allegations. And with 2006 winner Floyd Landis' win still under dispute for a high testosterone ratio, Herman fell under a cloud of suspicion after stage 2. "He's doing weird things inside the peloton," said Discovery Channel team Director Johan Bruyneel, "he's always making this weird laugh and passing out gum to the other riders. Problem is, this gum turns to a black ink-like substance when chewed. All the racers got this black ink stuff all over their jerseys and bike shorts." Herman was also alleged to carry a giant ear with him in his jersey pocket. Several riders remarked that when they'd ask him how he felt, or if he were planning to attack the peloton, Herman would simply put the giant ear up to his and shout "What? What?"