Channel Surfing Led to Spiritual Journey

For the past 6 years I have been on a spiritual journey. It started because of the click of a remote.

I had always been the "faithful" one in Church and its teachings. It never occurred to me that some things could be wrong or exaggerated. At the same time, I did wonder why people did not seem to be living in "victory." Why wasn't I living in "victory." What is living in "victory" anyway? 

My fear of losing my salvation never allowed me to really pursue answers. There seemed to always be a condition I had not met. If I didn't tithe, then the answer was clear, I was cursed by God. If I wasn't well, then there had to be some sin that was running ramport in my life. When I lost everything clearly it was rebellion.

One Saturday night or rather middle of the the night, I was surfing the TV for something that would hold my interest. I worked odd hours so it was not unusual for me to be up at two or four in the morning. This night, I found Debbie Ford.

I did not know her name or really what show she was on, except that it was on a channel that only came on at certain hours on the public access channel. It was Wisdom TV, which is now gone from the air.

Anyway, that night I heard her telling her story of the drugs, and how she was frustrated with some of her traits. The thing that got me was when she gave an example of being born as a castle, each room representing some trait, such as love or hate, anger or peace, etc. She said we close the rooms off that others find unacceptable or that we find unacceptable. By doing so, in the end we see ourselves as a two bedroom house needing repairs.

She went on to say that what we don't deal with, will constantly keep showing up in our lives. Then she posed the question, can you not be loving, but also at times mean?

Not in my world, was my first thought. In my world you had to be perfect. Everything had to be right. If you were angry then you were out of line. Who cared if someone did something to you. You were just supposed to forgive them and keep giving them the opportunity to keep hurting you. Stupid, but true.