Who She Wants to Be - Diary of a Transsexual

Two rows of converging lights appear in the mist like ghosts through the ethereal clouds as we descend towards the airport. The Air Canada jet touches down and through the window, in the dim light, I can see a thick layer of snow blanketing the edge of the tarmac. We roll to a stop, deplane and I step outside into the cold, Canadian air. It's probably in the low 30s. Standing in front of the signs, all in French, I have no idea where to go, so I follow the gaggle of passengers into the airport until we reach customs. I hand my passport to the custom's agent. He opens it, gives me a quick, stern look and stamps it.

Next to the baggage carousel; suitcases and bags go round and round, but mine's nowhere to be found. Glancing over at an adjacent carousel I see the two Canadian women who I'd sat next to on the flight. As I walk over here comes my suitcase, like it'd been waiting for me.

I find a pay phone and call Clark's Limousine Service. A pleasant-sounding gentleman answers and I tell him I'm at the airport. He says his son, Jean-Pierre, should be waiting there for me. Looking through the glass exit doors I see a young man, wearing a coat and tie holding up a sign that says, "Miss Tara Marie Taylor." I pick up my bags, hand the form that I'd been given on the plane stating I wasn't bringing any plants, or other dangerous material, into the country to the French-Canadian gentleman. "Merci, madam" he says and nods to let me pass. A few minutes later I'm on my way in a limousine to a recently-built, comfy, three-story building known as "The Residence," a home-like abode where patients stay before and after their surgeries. Each step brings me closer to my ultimate goal, a journey that began twenty years ago. Along the way Jean-Pierre joked with me, calming my nerves.

Why have I made the trip from Portland, Oregon to Montreal, Quebec on a dark, wintry night? In less than 48 hours I'll be unconscious on an operating table undergoing an irreversible procedure called vaginoplasty, or sex reassignment surgery. My male sex organs will be transformed into cosmetically realistic and functional female genitalia, though I won't menstruate nor be able to bear children.