Can We Gain Listening Wisdom from an Owl?

"There was an old owl who sat in an oak.
The more he watched; the less he spoke.
The less he spoke; the more he heard.
Why can't we be like that wise old bird?"

That's an interesting hoot that deserves some pondering.

One of the biggest causes of stressed or broken relationships is ineffective communication. Both people speak but nobody sits quietly, watches, and listens.

"He (or she) just doesn't listen to me!"

In our business, we hear this frequently about husbands, wives, children, bosses, clients, and colleagues. This seems to be particularly true when there are disagreements or conflict. In "The Couples' Comfort Book," author Jennifer Louden says, "when in conflict, people listen for a maximum of 14 seconds."

What occurs then?

When the listening stops, here are some things that begin: interrupting, yelling, ignoring, escaping, cowering, probing, and preaching.

Is it possible this "lack of listening" is the reason for the disagreement, misunderstanding, and conflict?

I think so, and I believe this "lack of listening" phenomenon occurs far more regularly in our relationships than most of us would care to admit, whether there is conflict or not.

As I strive to become more consciously aware of my thinking, speaking, and behavioural habits, I see it in myself. How do I know this?

• My mother-in-law recently stayed with us for a week. Immediately after several different conversations, I realized I couldn't recall exactly what she just said. My mind was wandering elsewhere. Hmmm!

• A client was explaining something to me about his business and I assumed I knew what he thought and felt. In reality, I found later that I had no flippin' idea. A mind-reader I am not.

• I interrupted my son, Jamie, before he was finished speaking. I was going to fix-it for him, or defer to my own autobiographical story.

• Carol was explaining something to me and I became aware that I already had a rebuttal formed to prove that I was right and she was wrong, and yet I hadn't listened effectively, or asked for clarification to totally understand her perspective.