What to Expect in Family Mediation

So you're cruising through life, everything's going well, when suddenly, the unthinkable happens. A vital relationship begins to suffer strain, and even though you've tried your hardest to prevent it, it's time to admit that the relationship is at the breaking point. Maybe it's your relationship with your parents, your spouse, your children... anybody. But whoever it is, you've hit the point where somebody has said, "If you want to save the relationship, you need to try mediation."

Mediation. The mere word sounds intimidating, doesn't it? Like some kind of psychology-speak for talking and talking until everybody is faking happiness, and you can't imagine how that could be beneficial. But, people are suggesting you try mediation, and the relationship really matters to you, so you've got to try, right? But the question still lingers: exactly what is mediation, anyway?

Well, first, let's talk about what it's not.

Mediation is not arbitration. Arbitration is when two people, or two groups of people, each have time to share their complaints with an unbiased third party. This person probably will ask questions, and encourage dialog between the two sides, but his main purpose for being involved is to render a verdict at the end of the discussions. The third party decides who is right, who is wrong, and what should be done about it. It can be a final, legally-binding decision, but it doesn't have to be. It depends on what the people need to get out of the situation.

Mediation is not family counseling. Counseling involves both sides airing their complaints, in an orderly fashion, with an unbiased person acting as a counselor, to listen. The counselor's job is to intervene when people get off-track or when the discussion ceases to be productive. His job is also to make suggestions to help address problems when people aren't meeting eye to eye. He analyzes what each side has to say, and makes sure that communication is effective. He also suggests homework and activities for the two sides to participate in, between counseling sessions, in order to first save, and then improve the strained relationships.