The Greatest Feud Story Ever Told - Lindsay Lohan vs. Paris Hilton

INTRODUCTION:

Now I'm going to talk about the feud between Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan; although I am fully aware that there is absolutely no good reason to do this. I'm not sure exactly why I write about such useless, tabloid crap; I don't spend an inordinate amount of time sucking down this information otherwise. It's as if commenting on Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton (or whoever) in a sarcastic manner will somehow make me smarter (though I know this logic is more fucked up than a breast flopping Lohan on Quaaludes). I guess I just find these stories humorous, and I know I'm not the only one.

PROLOGUE:

Upon scouring the web for the juiciest, ass-sloppy dirt on the Hilton/Lohan quarrel, I found that egotastic.com offered the greatest and latest muddy muck-muck on both Paris and Lindsay (more specifically: they laid out the battle in a nice sequenced format). So egotistic.com became my textbook and I am now confident that I am a minor expert in Hilton-Lohanian Dynamics as set in the American Celebrity Sub-Culture. This is my story:

CHAPTER ONE:

So there's this hot spot celebrity nightclub called Hyde (like as in "Jekyll and"- I guess) in Hollywood. Apparently this place is pretty awesome, though I've never been (I've never been to L.A., or California for that matter- or away from the east coast for that matter's matter). Needless to say, I don't know Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton personally, but I am, however, familiar with their work. Lohan, of course, is most famous for her work in "The Parent Trap" (a Disney movie she made with her now deceased twin sister, I believe her name was Betty Lou Lohan). And you all know Paris Hilton from the dirty gentlemen movie "One Night in Paris" (It's literally set IN Paris- and they don't mean the capital city of France).