Control is Not Love: Young Women and Relationships

Do you remember your first serious relationship? Maybe it was a high school romance or a college relationship. There's nothing like falling in love and enjoying a new person in your life. Sometimes it is hard to really read a person in the early days. Everyone is on their best behavior, of course wanting to make a good first impression.

As you become involved with this new person, you begin to know their likes and dislikes. You begin to realize how they feel about certain things. We all are individual in our personalities. That helps to define the person we are. Sometimes so discreetly, you may find the other person, that you believe is very special, begins to place demands on the relationship.

These demands could be in the form of wanting to know where you are every night, what you wore, who you spoke to, etc... These demands could also be in the form of asking you to not visit your family or friends. It may be that talking on the phone also becomes an issue.

Young, impressionable girls who may find themselves in love, will most likely view this as a loving relationship. They may think the person they are involved in really loves and cares about them. They may assume that the person they are involved with loves them so much that they want to protect and watch over them. For gals who never really had a good supportive relationship with their own father may mistakenly think this new "man" in their life is wonderful, and accept this behavior because they have never experienced a positive male relationship in their life.

It is the duty and responsibility of all older, more experienced women to guide these younger gals in the right direction. We must impress upon them that this is not love! This is a cycle that will repeat itself over and over until it could very well become abusive. It seldom improves. This has nothing to do with the girl. It is a cycle of insecurity in the male. His power comes from the control he allowed to hold over the girl's head. The more he is able to do it the more he will do it.