Effects of Emotional Abuse- No You're Not Crazy!

In Canada in 1993, a Violence Against Women Survey was taken among women aged 18 to 65, and found that 35% of all women surveyed reported that their spouse was emotionally abusive. In another Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships, 81% of male respondents reported that they had psychologically abused a female partner. Unlike physical abuse, which is obvious to detect, emotional abuse can slowly build over time. Both leave devastating long-lasting effects on the victim.

One victim involved in an abusive relationship recounted, “I was in a twenty year marriage, and like most women was very sensitive about my weight. My husband knew this, as he knew most of my insecurities as only someone who lives with you that many years can. One day we went to a local steakhouse, and went through the buffet line. People were lined up behind us, and there was quite a crowd. I reached for the trays, and decided to also get one out for him. I sat both on the counter. He turned and said in a loud voice, “God, Woman! How much you planning to eat to need TWO trays!” He laughed hysterically and people around us gave us pitiful looks. I tried to not think about it, but some months later, I mentioned it to a friend, who quickly replied, “That’s emotional abuse.” I didn’t know if I believed that. He was my husband, after all.”

Most often, abused people are the ones that are limited in power and resources, usually women and children. Emotional abuse is about power and control, using whatever means necessary to make another feel inferior or dependent, using fear to intimidate, slowly taking away another’s ability to choose, or using a threatening manner or tone of voice.