Auditioning for "Deal or No Deal"

It's Not Just Looking Pretty and Picking Briefcases

"It's not every day that you get a chance to win a million dollars." At least that's what my wife told me. That's why she intended to audition for the television game show "Deal or No Deal", and she wanted me to go and audition, too. Producers for the show were in town for the weekend to conduct try-outs.

"Do you know how many people will be auditioning?" I asked. "The chances of one of us getting picked to go on the show are slim. Besides, I can think of better ways of spending my Saturday off than standing in a line outside of a baseball stadium." The auditions were being held at the home of the city's minor-league team.

"Well, somebody has to be selected to go on that show," my wife reasoned. "I have as good of a chance as anybody." And off she went.

She was gone for hours. I started to become acutely aware of just how long she had been away from home when I got hungry and there was no dinner. I know how to cook, but she cooks better. "Great," I thought. "Not only is she wasting an entire day, but now I have to do the cooking." No problem. I can cook hot dogs as well as the next guy. As I was pulling the hot dogs from the refrigerator's meat drawer, the phone rang. It was my wife.

"Guess what?" she shrieked excitedly, her words running together. "I had a really good audition, and they want me to come back tomorrow and do a screen test!" I showed my support the best way I knew how.

"You're kidding." I said, completely not believing her story. It would be just like her to call me up, get my hopes up for the possibility of winning a million dollars, and then cackle hysterically after getting me to fall for the bogus story. "No, it's true!" she said. She giggled as she recalled her interview with the producers. She told them all about how she does not work outside of the home, but is instead a "domestic goddess" due to various medical conditions. She pointed to the chunky pink Crocs sandals on her feet and told them how diabetes had made it nearly impossible for her to walk until I bought her the ugliest shoes known to man. She told the producers that when she goes on the show, she wants the host, Howie Mandel, to wear them, too.