How to Be a Good In-Law

There are unnumerable amounts of publications out there that give tips for spouses on how to get along with their in-laws. Realistically, it's the in-laws who should be taking advice. It's no secret that all too often, in-laws play a major role in a couple's decision to split. Perhaps the well-meaning in-laws are too intrusive; in some cases, they are downright hostile. You can help prevent your son or daughter from becoming a divorce statistic: Just follow these five simple rules.

Rule #1: You do not get a say.

It's going to take some time for a parent to realize that his or her baby is someone else's baby now. It's time to cut the cord. Many times I hear in-laws complain that their grown child's spouse has "taken them away from their family". Yes, that is exactly what has happened. Your son or daughter has a new family now, and that new family trumps all previous family ties. I love to hear new in-laws exclaim that they are welcoming a new son or daughter into their family. This well-intended belief pretty much defines the problem between the in-laws and the new spouse. It insinuates that they still have jurisdiction--they don't. You're not gaining a new son or daughter, you're losing the one you had. Get over it. Early into my marriage, my sister-in-law bitterly announced to my husband that he must not need her and the rest of the family anymore because all he cared about was me. I kind of thought that was the idea. Now that we are divorced, his sister has her own fiance and a baby and has no room for her family in her life. I'm sure it has still not occurred to her how selfish she was being at the beginning of my marriage.

Rule #2: Unsolicited advice is poison to a marriage.