How to Reclaim Your Sex Life

Marriage Doesn't Have to Be the End of Intimacy

We live in an age of enlightenment, yet, I think we are affected by many old myths and taboos. Two old myths, for example, say that as people get older they aren't interested in intimacy, and, additionally, that marriage is destined to bring boredom.

There is something I learned early in my marriage. When my wife and I were in bed together, nature took its course, frequently. If a man and woman are in love, it is natural to want to express that love physically. It was when we didn't go to bed together, or, we let other pressures interfere, that we began to have problems.

There is an old Japanese saying, that if a newly married couple places a bean in a jar every time they make love their first year, they will never empty that jar during all the rest of their married life. Well, I don't know if that is literally correct, but, the illustration is correct. As time goes by, anything and everything gets in the way of a married couple having intimacy. Pressures of life, children, and, plain old fatigue play a role in not being able to pay as much time to one another as was historically possible.

What are the specific problems, and, what are the solutions? Let's take a look, keeping in mind that the problems and solutions are as varied as the couples in this World.

It is hard to maintain privacy when you have children. Not only do they demand attention and take massive amounts of energy, but, as they get older the couple must become more and more careful and quiet. If you're unlucky enough to be without a lock on your bedroom door, as my wife and I were, there is always the fear that some sick or terrified child is going to burst into the room. It was a wonder that we had our last child considering all the obstacles.

Another problem is the stress of life. Debts; ups and downs at work; extended family crisis; children's illnesses; and, the million other things that occur during the course of a marriage, diminish not only the opportunity, but the desire for sex. It is difficult to give each other the proper attention if you're extremely tired.