Techniques for Improving Social Skills

Say you're sitting at the bar in your favorite club. You and your best friend have decided to go out and see if you can meet someone interesting. You get into a conversation with the bartenders, laughing and bantering, but you soon notice that they are paying a lot more attention to your friend, and basically ignoring you. This is not the first time this has happened - and, for the 50th time you ask yourself: what's wrong with me?

Here's another scenario: you're at a party, crowded with people milling about, groups talking, laughing together, everybody having a good time but you. You are standing against the wall or sitting by yourself in a chair, no one around you. You're unhappy, lonely, embarrassed, again, wondering What's wrong? - wishing you'd stayed home.

Other people are noticing. Someone says, "She's so withdrawn," or "she's very shy, isn't she?" Another woman says, "I think she's stuck up. Thinks she's better than we are."

But that's not the truth at all! I'm not stuck up, I want to talk to someone, why doesn't anyone approach me?

You may just be socially inept. Perhaps no one ever taught you social skills. Perhaps your parents did not value those things. Perhaps your life has been speckled with periods of emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, feelings of isolation when you have closed yourself away from other people for what seems to you to be good reasons. Whatever your situation, whatever your age, it's not too late to learn. If you are tired of being treated this way by people, you don't have to continue in this vein. Every minute you spend absorbed with your personality, character, upbringing or any other personal issue robs you of an opportunity to interact with other people. You may not think others will notice how self-absorbed you are, but they will. For many people, their expressions and body language gives it away.

How can you help yourself? Here are some things to think about.

o People come into a conversation with certain expectations. Considering that we all need acceptance, approval, warmth, human contact and love, don't be surprised if these are your expectations also.