Lisa Nowak "Apologizes" to Romantic Rival in "Astro-nut" Love Triangle

Back in February, I believe it was, the internet and late night comedians were abuzz with the delicious story of former Astronaut Lisa Nowak. It seems Ms. Nowak took a little drive from Houston, TX to Orlando, FL. A drive in which she reportedly wore a diaper to avoid having to stop the car to go to the restroom, such was her haste to stalk/confront her rival for the affections of a male Astronaut, William Oefeline. Is it just me or is this whole thing the funniest news story of the year thus far? Depends.

As most of you recall, Nowak was captured at the Orlando airport with a garbage bag loaded with such items as pepper spray, directions to her rival, Colleen Shipman's residence, a steel mallet and other menacing tools. I even wrote a satirical article about the situation entitled Depends to Unveil New Ad Campaign. (Shameless plug). Now comes the word that Lisa Nowak, the former Lisa Caputo of Rockville, MD, is attempting to make amends with Shipman by issuing a politician-like weasel-worded sort of apology. Now that her career as an "astro-nut" is kaput-o. This story is the "gift that just keeps on giving".

Nowak spent much of her time at the hearing of last Friday, Aug. 24 whining about the GPS device she has been forced to wear for the last 7 months and its' $105 a week price tag, shortly after the non-apology apology to Ms. Shipman. Lisa Nowak promised to leave Shipman alone if the device is removed. My response: make the most of it babycakes. If you haven't taken up golf, do so. That GPS device could come in handy in figuring your yardage to the green. You could turn your attention, now that you're available, to one O.J. Simpson. Help him find the "real killer(s). After all, the poor guy has been looking on every golf course in Florida for years now. You may even get some tips from Lindsay Lohan on working around GPS devices.