What Wives Want from Their Husbands

As a husband of many, many years, I should be able to present an incredibly insightful report on what my wife wants. I fear the best I can do is share with you what I think I've learned over 34 years. I have tried to remember those things I did (or didn't do), which seemed at the time to hurt her the most, and, in retrospect, where I can see ignorance on my part.

Yes, I believe a wife wants love, and support, and security, and, all of those other "warm and fuzzy" aspects of a relationship, but, as I have experienced my wife's true needs during our marriage, I believe the true needs are much deeper.

When I was first married I lied to my wife. It was a reasonably harmless lie as lies go. I had, under extreme peer pressure, "subbed" on the company bowling team instead of going to class. I was going to college .part-time to get my degree. At any rate, I figured I would bowl; I would be off the hook "with the guys"; and, my wife wouldn't have to be disappointed; thoughtful man that I was, I decided I would save her the "pain" of seeing me waste a night. Everyone would win. Of course, as is usually the case, spouses have a sixth sense, and, without boring you with the details, suffice it to say, my wife found out.

The details I will bore you with are that she cried for a week; then she was silent for a week; then, she was mad for at least a week. This behavior was from a young woman who wouldn't squabble if her life depended on it. I truly thought she was going to leave me. What had I done to break her heart?

First, I was dishonest. I have come to find out honesty means everything to a wife. She wants to believe every word you say. That is the "real" engine that creates that warm and fuzzy security. Next, my failure to share my situation said at the very best, that I didn't think she was capable of caring about me and my dilemma, and, at the very worst, that I couldn't trust her. The additional hurt, was that she couldn't trust me. I put myself first; I didn't really think of her feelings. That business about wanting to spare her feelings was just a lame excuse.