When Relationships Fail, We are Still Loved by God

Sitting down in a chair, she leans over to rest her elbows on the table and covers her face with her hands. She inhales deep and holds her breath. As she exhales slowly, she hopes that somehow calmness will overtake the pain from the lump she feels forming in the back of her throat. Too weak to hold out hope any longer for the calm to come, the tears break free and stream down her face.

Many nights that was me, after hanging up the phone with my Mom after hearing her say those words God Loves You So Much. Why? Why me? There's so many people out there that have so much more to offer Him than I did. Besides, we were only on speaking terms when I was desperate and He was my only way out. I didn't want Him to do anything for me that I could handle myself because I thought I could control the outcome. Doing things His way in the past ended up being painful and almost more than I could bear. Instead of waiting for God to restore my joy, I searched for things that I thought would bring me joy. It's funny now how I had more faith in people making me happy "forever" until my relationships would come to an abrupt halt and of course, end up being painful and almost more than I could bear and then those words...God Loves You So Much. With the pain they brought comfort as well, because I knew that He did indeed love me as shown by the life I had experienced when He was literally almost all I had.

He doesn't want me to live my life with guilt and shame, anger and bitterness. He wants me to live life to it's fullest because that's what gives Him glory, that's why He made us and that's why He loves us. Sometimes we can't see the good because we've let things get in the way to distract us and keep us from seeing. We're already martyrs for Jesus, why do we insist on martyring ourselves? It could be so that in the day we are persecuted for our faith, we will have endurance to stand and not faint. There has to be a time that we get past that if we truly are going to be able to have that endurance and be more effective in what He's called us to do.