Courting the Perfect Cell Phone Plan

So, it seems to me that the search for the perfect cell phone plan or company has become the new quest for the Hoy Gail. People everywhere are running around for the cheapest plan with the best reception and superb customer service. Oh. Did I just contradict myself? I said "cell phone company" and "superb customer service" in the same sentence. I'll take twenty lashings.

I use my cell phone for business. While planning events, I can do a lot of gabbing. When I say a lot, I mean I'd put congress to shame. The phone is almost permanently glued to my ear at times. Despite people thinking entertainment industry whores, ahem - employees, sit on a cell phone for image, it's actually because it's a very demanding business that you don't necessarily leave at the office. Therefore a plan with 300 minutes isn't going to cut it for me and I don't feel like paying exorbitant amounts for more time. I've tried just about every plan out there and thought perhaps I'd found the perfect plan for my big mouth. Cricket is rushing across the United States as an option for people with shallow pockets, poor credit and big mouths, undoubtedly knocking over old women and children who get in their way. For about $45 per month, you get unlimited everything. (Except coverage).

DING DING DING. It sounds as if the perfect cell phone plan has been found! Actually, like most visions of technological utopia, it's crap. I don't know how to write that with any more elegance. It is, as the French say, Le Miert. At first, I loved Cricket. I wanted to marry cricket. We could have made beautiful little Cricklets together. I certainly spent enough time chirping with Cricket. Due to their lack of coverage and my plans to travel, I knew our time was short, but I didn't know it would come to such a disastrous and ugly end where I felt as if I'd been bent over and had unspeakable things done to me bum. It's funny how we know we'll probably end up in therapy at some point, but we never expect anything we do to be the cause of that.

DIE CELL PHONE, DIE

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