Control Freak 101

Dear Avery,

My best friend is a control freak. She wasn't always this way but the older she gets (she is in her early fifties) the more she thinks she has the right to tell me how to live my life. And not just me. According to her, her daughter-in-law is a lousy mother, her son, an only child, who is an attorney knows everything, and she's an expert on nearly every subject you can name. She used to be fun and we would go shopping, go to lunch and chatted nearly every day. Since this change in her behavior, I really don't like being around her. I'm tired of her tantrums and an anger that never seems to go away. In fact I think most people either avoid her or have little contact with her. That includes her oh-so-perfect son, the attorney. Both of her parents are ailing and she and her sister are having to do a lot of errands for them, take them to the doctors and spend a lot of time with them as they are failing in health. This has given her the chance to play the martyr and whine about her limited social life.

What do you suggest: drop her as a friend, or just have little contact with her. I miss the person she once was and I think that person is gone forever.

J.J
via e-mail

Dear J.J.

Everyone changes. Time and cicumstances will do that to people. Maybe a vaction away from one another is the answer. No one has the right to tell you who to talk to, what to say, or how to live your life. If your friend can't understand that then it's time to end the friendship. Someone who tries to control the lives of others is usually a very insecure person, and those who constantly carry anger inside should seek professional counseling to help them unload that burden. Right now your friend needs a "good" friend to talk to but if her attitude is having a negative impact on you, you just might have to turn and walk away before you say somthing you both will regret. Once the words are out of your mouth, you can't take them back, so give yourself enough time to cool off. Maybe in a few weeks or months you can call her and ask her to have lunch and see how she's doing. Good luck.