The Housebreaking of Monty

Maybe I had a body excretion fetish all along and just didn't realize it. After all at work I always announce to my office mate - "I have to go pee!" Or "I'll enter three more invoices and then I have to go pee." - Or something similar.

My life has changed since I got Monty, my third dachshund. Peeing and pooping have become a battle in my household for all of us. If I'm trying to do either I now have three dogs trying to jump into my lap - so much for privacy. Don't say close the door! I don't have a door on my bathroom and if I did have a door then they would go off into my bedroom and pee and poop just to show me. This morning I was eating breakfast and little Monty wanted to be in my lap. He hopped up and down against my leg asking to be picked up. He had just peed and pooped in the litter box like a good puppy, but I didn't want a puppy in my lap at that moment. Suddenly his jumping stopped and I heard a psssst sound at my feet. I looked at him and he was watching me for my reaction. As usual I did all the wrong things as I screamed "MONTY" - you know where to pee and poop - you just peed and pooped - - bad dog - you are a bad dog, Monty. I swear I saw that little face smile as he went over to his bed and sat down inside.