Paris Hilton to Release Hip-Hop Reggae Record - Yikes

WHY?
anybody?
please tell me why?
who needs this?
who will buy this?
are we that pathetic?
which color is that Horseman I see?
are we that obsessed with celebrities?
have we lost all ideas of what is talent?
where's Bono when we need him?
is it all image over content?
could she get a recording contract if she weren't famous(?) already?
will nicole sing back-up?
if nicole's dad sings, then I may listen
who plays drums, her damn mutt (not Lange)?
is this necessary?

let's count who is rolling in their graves
Elvis
John Lennon
Kurt Cobain
  Jimi Hendrix
  Bon Scott
  John Bonham
  Robert Palmer
  Jim Henson
  Mama Cass
    her sandwich 
  everybody from The Perfect Storm and Open Water
    2 supposedly "true" stories
  Mitch Hedberg
  That unlucky punk who made Harry’s day
  John Belushi
  June Pointer
  Vito (don’t call me Johnny Cakes)
  principal from The Breakfast Club
    you're mine for the next 2 months
    he raided Barry Manilow's wardrobe
  that guy from Milli Vanilli
I think it was Milli
maybe Vanilli
  Laura Branigan
  John Denver
  Mr. Rogers
  Ana-Lucia, Shannon, Boone, Libby, Scott (or was it Steve)
    Desmond (doubt it)
    Locke and Eko (no chance)
  Aeris
  Jesus
  my pet rat
  Owen Hart
  Genghis Kahn
  that little girl from Poltergeist
  Falco
  Mr. Body 
    in the hall 
    with the gun
    good shot Green
    oh very good
  humanity
  Liberace

what's next?
  starting pitcher for the Yankees?
  Nobel Prize?
  Miss America?
  Secretary of State?
  replaces Katie in the morning?
  dating Tommy Lee? (probably)
  going to Disneyland?
  scientologist?
  honorary degree from Ivy League?
  ESPN co-anchor?
  red head?
  NBA Draft? 
  reality show?
  moves back in with parents?
  buys a real pet?
  lead singer of INXS?
  canoodles with Bill Maher?
  singing lessons?
  sees how many schools she can be Homecoming Queen at?
pardon my grammar
  buys Neverland Ranch? 
  6th Spice Girl?
  makes sex tape?
  clothing line?
  perfume?
  sandwich named after her at Denny's?
  delivers Britney's new brat?
  guest spot on Meet The Press? 
  cowboy?
  world tour with Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guar-whoever the hell-ini?
  astronaut?
  time traveller?
  starts dating Damon Lindelof?
    shoots Kate?
  hostage negotiator?
  walks on water?
  opening act on The Rolling Stones 2007 "Survived Fall From Palm Tree" tour?
  learns figure skating from Tara Lipinski?
  arm wrestles post Rambo, pre Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, Stallone?
    Estelle Getty?
  tries to figure out who shot J.R.?
  searches for a chimaera?
    try LOST island

song titles?
  Cameras on the Ceiling
  Make Me Richer and You Poorer
  I Can't Believe You Fell For This
  What's This Metal Thingy In My Belly Button?
  Laughing All The Way To Bank
  That's Hot...So Why Do I Keep Touching It?
  Pour Some Sugar On Me...Please?
  She Works Hard For The Money (the ironic remake)
  Like My Shoes?
  Why Is the Sky Green?
  Another Day In Paradise, R U Jealous?
  ABC, Easy as 1,2,4

better way to spend $15
  ass wax
  1500 pennies to toss in fountain
  ultra super supreme deluxe car wash on rainy day
  10 tubes of Silly Putty
  15 copies of yesterday's newspaper
  go see Da Vinci Code 
    twice
in a row
  ride subway around city of your choice (give remaining $12 to fellow rider)
  15 paper footballs with George Washington's face on them
  play Bob Seger's Old Time Rock n Roll on jukebox for 2 straight hours
  buy jar of mustard, one hamburger bun, make sandwich with remaining dollar bills
    eat it
  hair extensions for armpit
  amazing tip at McDonalds
  3 gallons ultra 93 octane gas at full service station
    drive around block til empty
  10 minutes with psychologist
  world's best cookie
  bunch of lollipops
    big bunch
  watch World Cup match between Mongolia and Iceland on Pay Per View
  adopt a pigeon
  60 quarters, put in sock, beat self about head and chest regions
  David Hasselhoff cd
  Paris Hilton autographed picture on ebay
  ticket to Def Leppard/Journey tour
    really bad seats
    really good songs
  convert to nickels
    start own business selling nickels
  bribe Paula to be next Idol
  15 legally downloaded Kids Incorporated songs
    Martika rocks!
    Fergie not so much
  The Sopranos Season 4 dvd
    disc 2
    few scratches
  hire high school tough guy as bodyguard to protect you from Matt Dillon
  call mom
    blame her for your failures 
  time share condo at Vermont Ski Resort 
    in July
    still only get 10 minutes
  75 reprints of high school prom picture
    the one where you have tons of zits
    give to everybody you know
    if you know more than 75 people
  some have to share
  buy one of each of the following
    construction paper
    black marker
    wooden stake
    tape
  now make sign that says "Protesting Sucks"
  go protest in front of White House
  15 baseballs
    go to Little League game
    each time foul ball is hit, throw 2 balls onto field
    just to confuse the little kids
  download The Jets - Rocket 2U
    15 times
  it rocks
    2U
  see what $15 can buy from that cute college girl you secretly like
    probably more than you think
  a nice towel
  a gross of pencils
    unsharpened
  become friends with Mr. Burns
  see the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota
  a GOOD set of AA batteries so remote stops going dead every week
  a truck load of gravel
    small truck
  genuine peacock tail feather
    go on let me see you shake it
  8 really cool t-shirts from GoodWill
  8 really lame t-shirts from GoodWill
  date with Anna Nicole
  10 rolls of the thickest, best, softest toilet paper for your freshly waxed ass
  lampshade so Lois doesn't find out what you do all day when she thinks you are at work
  wash your one pair of jeans all day at laundromat
    Bob Dylan was discovered there
  another pair of jeans
  gutter guards so twigs stop getting in gutters
  hire Van Halen to play at your birthday party
you get the first 2 notes from keyboard solo in Jump
    or this much from Right Now 
  "Right N..."  
    that's all
    or full set with Gary Cherone
  hire Roger Clemens to pitch on your company's softball team
you get 1/9 of 1 second
  put $15 in bank account
    in 50 years you are sitting pretty on $42!!
  take the Campbell's Soup factory tour
don't miss the Andy Warhol exhibit
  buy all the Enron stock you want
    wallpaper your house with it
    use it as toilet paper
    wrap your parents and grandparents Christmas gifts with it
  buy Barry Bonds #715 homerun ball
  pay toll to walk into Beverly Hills
  buy house in Baghdad
    luxury mansion
    8 bedrooms 
    5 full baths
    3 car heated garage
    put remaining $10.49 in your cookie jar
  get manicure on your feet
    not a pedicure
    a manicure on your feet
  ride on Millenium Falcon
    pay 15 now
    another 16985 when you get there
  give it to me  
  nothing...it's only money, just stare at it