Best Seinfeld Season 5 Quotes

Best Seinfeld Seasons 1 and 2 Quotes
Best Seinfeld Season 3 Quotes
Best Seinfeld Season 4 Quotes

Seinfeld is known for some very memorable quotes. This is a list of some of the best quotes from Season 5:

Jerry: How did she do it? She's like Meryl Streep this woman. And I know how to work the equipment. I'm not unskilled, I'm in the union.

- The Mango

Kramer: So she faked 'em , so what?
Jerry: The woman had a orgasm under false pretenses...that's sexual perjury!

- The Mango

George: She gave me the hook.
Jerry: You got the hook?
George: It's like the manager coming out to ask you for the ball.

- The Mango

Jerry: What about the panting, the moaning, the groaning, the screaming?
Elaine: Fake, fake, fake, fake.

- The Mango

Kramer: This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry -- this is gonna be the new look for the 90's. You're gonna be the first pirate!
Jerry: But, I don't wanna to be a pirate!

- The Puffy Shirt

Homeless Guy #1: (wearing the Puffy Shirt) Can you spare a little change for an old buccaneer?

- The Puffy Shirt

Elaine: That's it? I don't need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot, dog bite.
Elaine: No, no, no. I know I wasn't shot. Do I need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot, dog bite. Woof woof; not bang-bang.

- The Glasses

Jerry: (About George's lady's frames) I don't know what to tell you Elton.

- The Glasses

George: You know, I wish there were Pigmen. You get a bunch of these Pigmen walking around, suddenly I'm looking a lot better. So when someone sets me up they could say, well at least he's no Pigman.

- The Bris

Kramer: Did he use any slang? Did he say 'man' a lot? What about when he was leaving? Did he say, 'I'm splittin'?

- The Sniffing Accountant

George: You're giving me the 'it's not you, it's me' routine. I invented 'it's not you, it's me'. Nobody tells me it's not them, it's me. If it's anybody, it's me!
Gwen: Alright, George, it's you.
George: You're damn right it's me!

- The Lip Reader

Newman: (to Jerry) Alright... alright, you go ahead... You go ahead, you keep your secret... But you remember this: when you control the mail, you control... information.

- The Lip Reader

Jerry: Maybe your yogurt isn't so non-fat.
Kramer: Oh, guess again, tubby!

- The Non-Fat Yogurt