Inside the Mind of a Bully

What makes a person become a bully? That is something that I have been wondering since my daughter started grade school and I witnessed bullying all over again. Bullying is a lot easier than it was back in the day. When I went to school, the bully stole lunch money, made fun of everyone, and was avoided at all costs. Now kids can be bullied on line, at school, in their backyard, on the bus, the list goes on and on.

Bullying has grown into an epidemic and our kids are at risk. But how do we fix this?

First we need to understand a bully. Why do they do it? There are so many reasons a child displays this behavior. A few of the more common ones are that they are looking for attention. Maybe the only kind of attention they get at home is negative attention, or worse, none at all. They may not feel important at home and by making fun of others, they feel more important. A lot of bullies come from a home where there is a lot of anger and yelling. They may get bullied by older siblings or their parents. They may think this is normal. Understanding a bully does not make it easier for the children that are the targets. But knowledge is power to school officials and parents. Asking the victims to "feel bad" for their bullies will not make them feel better.

What is typical bullying behavior? There are some textbook cases, but remember that bullying comes in many forms. It is not always the big kid in the back of the room throwing spitballs at the heads of his victims. While the classic bully will take money, ruin books, humiliate or physically hurt his victims, there are other more subtle bullies. Take cyber-bullying, for example. They will tell the person they are chatting with that they will hurt them somewhere if they see them in the chat-room again. Or they may leave mean and hurtful messages. There are also "queen bee" bullies. These girls will make fun of, steal from, spread rumors, and do anything else to classmates that may pose as a threat to them as the "popular" girls.