The Hymenization of Virginity: Examination of Sociolinguistics, Historical Roots and Consequences

Why do we attach a phrase, such as "losing our virginity," to our sexual experiences, as if once our virginity is "lost," part of ourselves has essentially vanished?

Pairing the two word "losing" with "virginity" accomplishes two goals. First, we only lose what we consider valuable (e.g. "I lost the race," "I lost my notebook," or "I am lost."). We also lose things we presume we ought to have kept (e.g. "I lost my temper," or "I lost your phone number.") Coupling "losing" with "virginity" implies that virginity is something of value that we ought to have kept.

Second, pairing "losing" with "virginity" is problematic, since losing is never something we do purposely in any other given situation.[i] After all, we cannot deliberately lose our keys. That is precisely why they are "lost." And even if you intentionally lose a game of chess to your younger sister, you have not truly lost it. Rather, you have forfeited, and this move is an active one. Therefore, to lose anything is passive.

How, then, has this passive verb found its way into our (hopefully) active sexual experiences? In order to examine the issue further, we must not only discuss historical roots, but we must also analyze cultural phenomena.

Of perhaps many origins, the hymenization of virginity traces back to the Hebrew Bible, as found in the Book of Deuteronomy, where "losing" one's virginity alludes to severing one's hymen, or losing/popping one's cherry, so to crudely speak. Women are assumed to be passively losing while men are thought to perform the active "popping." Oddly enough, although both men and women speak of virginity in terms of "losing it," the phenomenon of a lost cherry or hymen pertains only to women, as men do not possess an equivalent physical attribute.