Oh to Be a Columnist, Every Writer's Dream

Oh to be a clever word smith, to be able to captivate the general public with words of wit, and wisdom mixed throughly with a good amount of humor and satirical commentary. As a budding writer the ideal goal, as I see it, would be to become a Columnist. One that has been fortunate enough to find his way into national syndication. To be able to see your name included with the likes of Dave Barry, or Garrison Keillor. Brilliant people who have mastered the art of making people chuckle.

The consummate humorist knows where the line between a mild chuckle and a horrendous belly laugh is drawn. Chuckles are acceptable anywhere. Reading the paper while dining in a upscale establishment, to utter a mild chuckle at a line that has caught your fancy is perfectly acceptable. An explosive belly laugh, on the other hand, could cause you to spray your drink all over the table. Similar to the tacky antics you would see on TV. Which would, without a doubt, leave the other patrons assuming you've had one too many libations.

While driving, Paul Harvey's, The Rest of the Story, more than once has generated a smile or chuckle. Neither of which will distract you from the more important task of piloting a massive metal object safely down the highway. Imagine the disaster that could happen if an outrageous statement brings you to a crying fit of laughter while your behind the wheel. A definite distraction with deadly potential.

The life of a Columnist, it must be grand, at your leisure, put a few words to paper, faxing them to your editor, only to receive your very large check at the end of the week. It's all effortless and accomplished with only a minimal of effort. Being brilliant, every word you utter will be readily accepted and will have every reader clamoring for more. Nothing of substance, no deep philosophical meaning, just a light hearted commentary about normal every day stuff.