Bipolar Disorder and How It's Affected My Life

Bipolar disorder is a mental disease characterized by a range of extreme lows to extreme mania with very rapid cycling. Some people can go from one spectrum of the disease to the other in matter of minutes, others in a matter of days. No matter how fast the individual cycles it is often very debilitating. If not treated properly it affects not only the person with disease but also everyone around him.

I grew up with a bipolar parent who often self-medicates. Growing up and seeing his frequent trips to the behavioral science unit was very hard for my brothers and I. Visiting him while he was hospitalized was just something I could not do. I did not understand his disease and why he was the way he was.

I was more aware of what was going on than my younger brothers. Being the oldest child, I had a motherly instinct and tried to shelter my brothers from as much of it as I could while also trying to be a pillar for my mother. I remember one particular night when things got really bad. My mom had thrown him out because he was refusing to take his medication. As a result, he would harass us at all hours.

It was probably around two am one morning he came to the house. My brothers were in bed already. He started to bang on the back door and not wanting him to wake my brothers my mom answered the door. Being the protector that I was I stood just inside the door where he could not see me so I could offer my assistance if needed. I remember him telling my mother that the two of them could get rid of us children and start a new life together. He said he could make it look like an accident.

I will never forget that for the rest of my life. I was 15 years old at that time, standing there unbeknownst to him, while he said these terrible things. This of course is the extreme depression side of bipolar disorder. There were other times when he was the coolest dad. When he was in his manic states, he would always be so nice to us and bring us presents constantly. It was as if he was trying to be superman and make up for all the bad stuff he had done to us.