Getting More of What You Want: Being Assertive VS Aggressive

We have all, at one time or another had the experience of feeling that we have been somehow wronged, short-changed, misled or outright cheated. In these always uncomfortable moments of realization, there quickly follows the elusively difficult decision - "What should I do?"

The answer will reflect how upset we are by what has happened as well as the realities of our own personality. Over time, I think most of us have come to realize that if we decide to act - to try to make things 'right,' that righteous declarations and angry threats are less apt to get us what we want than focused, reasonable and humanely expressed assertiveness.

The item we bought on line that doesn't work as advertised, the piece of furniture that requires 'some' assembly that arrives one screw short of what is needed, the product that simply does not perform as advertised or the device that fails the week after the warranty runs out - there are as many examples as there are human experiences of disappointment. Individuals with fiery or explosive dispositions may be tempted, by habit, to confront such incidents with unconcealed frustration and even rage. For them, greater discipline is required and a more conscious focus on the goal - the desired outcome.

If the goal is to get what you want, success is more apt to be had by contacting the offending company and begin by insisting to the first level customer support person on the phone that you need to speak with their supervisor immediately. Taking this first step in such a way that does not alienate or make defensive that first person contacted is a key to being listened to, taken seriously, perhaps even empathized with and, ultimately, getting satisfaction. The goal is getting the issue solved, resolved and fixed - it is not, ordinarily, to blow steam!