Are You a Lesbian?: Crushes and Dreams Unlock Secrets to Your Sexuality

Many people ask "How do I know if I'm a lesbian?" when they are seeking answers to the puzzle of their own sexuality. In lectures, that question is one of the top ones I hear. Sexual feelings emerge naturally, usually in adolescence, although some people don't actually feel sexual until their late twenties or early thirties (what we tend to call "late bloomers"). Because the feelings arrive on the scene without really announcing themselves, they are defined by ideas and actions that surround our behavior. Here are some of the ways most people describe discovering their sexual orientation.

1. Star Crushes - It is not uncommon for young people to develop their first romantic ideation for stars or celebrities. It is a safe thing to do because you know they never will actually be in your life, and you can deal with your feelings in the realm of fantasy. Many young lesbians develop crushes on female stars and realize a pattern of same-sex attraction that way. A lesbian friend once told me, "I knew I was a lesbian when I developed a crush on Mary Ingalls on the show Little House on the Prairie. My mom thought I wanted to be her. The truth is, I wanted to kiss her."[i] Star crushes for heterosexual attraction are often displayed and encouraged. Whether it was Leif Garret, David Cassidy or Orlando Bloom - icons of girl's crushes are everywhere. Homosexual crushes are often more hidden and disguised as "interest" or "admiration", but they are a prevalent part of many adolescent lives.