Learning from Your Absence

It's not like I missed out on a father-daughter dance or take your daughter to work day. I was never particularly found of dances and my dad never worked much anyways. I didn't miss out on the lickings or being sent to my room, we covered all that in my younger years. Even the hours spent with my nose in the corner doesn't compare to what he taught me without even being there. I know now how to love a child in all the ways I was neglected. Never will I put my own luxuries before my children or "forget" to pick them up. I wouldn't say my dad forgot about me as much as he lacked genuine care. Sure, he cared about some things: hunting, fishing, and drinking. Drinking or God, he went through phases. The best times were when he couldn't make up his mind and holy considered thoughts poured from his lips like an ice cold beer. Without a dad you would think there would be more love for my mom. And I guess that was true. Until a new dad came along who wasn't much better than the first, perhaps even worse. I don't know. Time changes things and washes away the past, at least the things you're trying to forget. That's the problem with forgetting it never really fixes much. Everything seems fine until something triggers a memory. Then it all comes flooding back and you're worse off then where you started. The biggest thing about the lack of dad in my life is that I know I don't want that for my children. I am completely against divorce, not that I don't agree that it was best for my parents. I just hope I find someone who will make a worthy dad, if such a thing exists.