Staying Abreast

A Humorous and Poetic Reminder About Mammograms

The waffle iron makes you shy.
Try to explain that to a guy!
And yet, you visit once a year
Eliminating hidden fear.

Each month, you do a self-exam
And, annually, a mammogram.
Each woman knows this must be done,
Although we'd rather turn and run.

You stand there in a filmy gown
With both your girls descending down.
You try your hardest to be bold;
The x-ray chamber's rather cold.  

A slender tech with clammy palm
Reminds you how to remain calm,
As she manhandles all you've got;
You'd like to deck her with one shot.

The lid compresses you to death,
As she instructs you, "Hold your breath."
You nearly chuckle to yourself,
How could you gasp, crunched in that shelf?

When you can't stand it anymore,
About to faint right on the floor,
The lid begins to let you go
And thus endeth the pain peep-show.

The torture-tech then lets you be,
And you put on your clothes with glee.
"The image shows your breasts are fine;
See you here next year, same time."