Sears' Toughskins - Jeans from Hell
Ugly, Uncomfortable Jeans Were the Scourge of a Generation - and They're Back!
In the 1970s, Sears Roebuck & Co took a look at their massive product offering - spanning items for home, auto, fashion, leisure, and countless other categories - and decided that there was but one retail area left for them to conquer: that of the nuke-proof childrens'Specifically, Sears market researchers interviewed countless suburban moms, who decreed that the single greatest challenge faced by the nation was that of kids' jeans that wore out too darned fast. Their solution? Create a line of jeans so ridiculously overbuilt that they could guarantee that kids would grow out of the cursed things long before they'd wear out.
Enter a sinister group of chemists, colorblind fashion school dropouts, and disgruntled Carter-era defense contractors - all hidden inside a hollowed-out volcano somewhere off the coast of Indonesia - and the world was forever changed.
The Toughskin™ jean had been unleashed upon millions of unsuspecting elementary school kids, who were henceforth doomed to a life of freakishly colored jean-substitutes with razor sharp, potentially lethal creases down the center of legs that didn't bend at the knee, shattered in cold weather, gave off sparks upon striking asphalt, and featured a mock-leather "TOUGHSKINS" tag that inevitably cracked - leaving shards of unnaturally sharp plastic to jab at the wearer's waist upon making any attempt to tie his/her shoes.
And we won't even broach the horror of the "husky" Toughskin wearer...
This monstrous creation - made of a nearly indestructible blend of Dacron Type 59 polyester, DuPont 429 Nylon, Kevlar, titanium fiber, and approximately three strands of cotton (for softness!) - was the centerpiece of Sears' childrens' clothing line for nearly 15 years, and eventually spread to a line of men's workclothes, until scores of emergency room visits by steelworkers who had inadvertently welded themselves to I-beams forced Sears to drop the line.
Related information
- Sears Archives: Toughskins - 1971-present www.searsarchives.com/brands/toughskins.htm
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