When Sibling Rivalry Gets Physical

If you feel more like the warden at the county jail than a parent, you might have a problem. Sibling rivalry is as old as the hills, and exists in any multi-child family, but when sibling rivalry turns physical, parents must step in, particularly when the children are not close in age.

For the most part, when sibling rivalry turns physical, there is an underlying factor that is instigating the abuse. Perhaps an older child feels that you spend too much time with the younger sibling, or maybe verbal fights are escalating beyond your attention. Whatever the case, physical fights are dangerous and can result in serious injury.

Encourage Verbal Communication

Sibling rivalry often gets physical when children run out of ways to express themselves verbally. They might have trouble putting their thoughts, frustrations and feelings into words, and lash out in anger because of it. You can help reduce this problem by serving as a "mediator". Help your children find the words to tell one another what they want or need.

Give Positive Individual Attention

Arguing over the affections of parents is another reason why sibling rivalry turns physical. One child feels neglected---even if it isn't the case----and takes it out on the "source" of the problem. If you think this might be a factor, make a point to spend thirty minutes alone with each of your children, doing something they love. Even if it's just a bedtime story or a half-hour of television, this will make your children feel loved as individuals.

Hold Them Responsible

It might be tempting to take your younger child's side when sibling rivalry gets physical, but don't let your little one off the hook. When your children fight---whether it's throwing punches or biting each other---hold each equally responsible for the squabble. This will cut down on future fights if they know they are both going to get in trouble.

Divide and Conquer