Introduce a Same-Sex Partner to the Family: Gay, Lesbian, and Queer Advice

During my freshman year at the University of Arizona, I invited my mother to watch me perform in a dance concert. She flew to California from New Jersey and visited my Aunt Dee in Los Angeles. They drove 8 hours from Los Angeles to Arizona in a sporty, red Jetta. I was 18 years old. It was the first time any family members had visited me since I moved from New Jersey to attend college. Hence, I was ecstatic when they called me on the cell phone to inform me that they were within the city limits.

After a few days, my mother decided to spend some time alone with me so we could “catch up.” We went to T.G.I Fridays and ordered some light appetizers with salad concoctions for lunch. In the middle of our splendid mother-son conversation, my mother suddenly stared at my finger.

“Who gave you that ring?” she asked.

The circuits in my brain started to overload and tension flowed throughout my body. At the time, I had a same-sex significant other named Zam. He gave me a white gold, heart- shaped commitment ring for Valentine’s Day. I had not yet disclosed my sexual orientation to my family and could have really used a pacemaker at that moment.

So, I said, “Nobody.” Then mom began drilling me with a series of questions.

“Is it from your girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Are you engaged?”

“No.”

“Is it from your Lover?” She uncomfortably grimaced.

“Yes.”

“Are you gay, son?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

My mother sat silently for a few minutes and told me that we needed to talk about “this” after lunch. Part of our agreement, aside from not immediately telling father, was that my mother wanted to meet this guy. With a slight hesitation, I arranged a dinner social for mom, Aunt Dee, Zam, and me at Macaroni Grill. I figured – I loved Italian food and if anything went wrong, at least I could engorge myself with fettuccine alfredo.