Dating a Divorced Man or Woman with Children

The Package Deal

If you're single or divorced, the older you get, the more likely it is that when dating you'll be dating someone who has children. It's MUCH different than dating someone who doesn't have children. There are important things to consider to give your new relationship the best odds for
 success. Read on.

It's A Package Deal

If it's a divorced mother OR father, if the children live with your date or not, the relationship is still a package deal. Now you may think that you get along great with children so it will be no problem. The children aren't the biggest problem in most cases. You see in most cases, unless you're dating a widow or widower, there is an ex in the picture. That combined with children is tangible proof that your date has had sex with his man or woman and it's likely that you'll occasionally be in the ex's presence. Can you handle that? What if the ex is better looking or in better shape than you? What if they make more money than you? This isn't someone that you just happened to see on the street. This is the ex that stops by from time to time and/or calls to pick up the children or consult your date on something concerning them. The important thing to remember is that if you choose to make this man or woman part of your life, not only are his or her children going to be part of YOUR life as well, but their EX will be as well. It's not meant to be comfortable so don't expect it to be but it's something that you MUST tolerate.

Tolerate The Ex

First thing is, no matter how you feel about the ex, do NOT badmouth them in front of their children. This will cause your date's children to resent you and that will greatly lower the odds of your relationship working out and progressing. Leave things like discipline and life decisions involving your date's children to your date and their ex. It's OK to give your opinion on things to your date but giving it to your date and their ex is just asking for trouble. You don't have to be buddy buddy with the ex but exchanging a few pleasantries every time you see one another is good for your relationship with you date and their children.

Strive To Have A Decent Relationship With Your Date's Children

Related information
  • It's A Package Deal
  • Tolerate The Ex
  • Be Set On Staying Put
 
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I recently dated a woman who was divorced. Separated in May 2008 & divorce finalized in Feb. 2009. We started dating in March 2009. Everything going great. One day she called on Wednesday to go out on Friday & I accepted. She called the next day (Thursday) saying I don't think we should see each other anymore. My exhusband wants to try again. We may move in together & possible remarry. I think he was jealous of me & just wanted her away from me. People say he is a big asswhole. He put her through hell in the marriage. She asked for the divorce & was so glad when it was finalized. Now this happens. I'm totally confused. They have a child. He's unemployed. She was so happy with me. She stated that I make her so happy & that I have no idea how happy. Also, that she feels so much love coming from me. I tried to contact with romantic greeting cards through e-mail & regular mail & she replied not to send anymore. They are not back together. How does a woman change her feelings from one day t

Posted on 06/28/2009 at 4:06:39 PM

I give up, I have far too much on my mind. I'm just going to agree with Ruth, it's difficult and I don't know if I can do it anymore.

Posted on 06/12/2009 at 6:06:49 AM

I went on a bit of a rant and didin't realise there was a word limit! Whoops! to contine so it makes sense, he expected me to stay in the car everythime and didn't understand why that upset me. He said he agreed with her. They are good children, they stay every weekend and he goes to her house twice a week , every tuesday and thursday to look after them while she goes out, he used to stay over, but that stopped around January 08. Now he still goes over there but comes home to me, he takes my car or if I need it during the day I pick him up around midnight. Sometimes later, I know she has a life too, but it seems the more of a life she has, the less of a life I have. my partner and I are due to move into a new house, one of my dad's, and I think the girls will stay over Tuesdays and thursdays. At first it was what I wanted, but now, after 2 years, and a year of picking him up form hers at night, I bought him a motor bike last august but he still hasn't put headlights on it so can't

Posted on 06/12/2009 at 6:06:26 AM

this is the first time I have researched dating a divorced dad. I'm 25 and I've been with my partner for 2 years and lived together since December 2007. At first him being married but separated at the time didn't affect me, neither did his children, two girls ages 2 and 7 when I met them. But gradually feelings grew, I fell in love with him and after being with him for a few months I met the children and we've always gotten on brilliantly, they even tell me they love me, which still makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Thier mother has never liked me, we've met a couple of times, but never spoken that much. My partner and I pick the girls up from her house every weekend when they come to stay and drop them home, once I got out of the car and the youngest hugged me. Having seen this the mother told my partner that she didn't want me in the car when the children were picked up - it's my car not his! when my partner told me I said I felt hurt by the fact that he then expected me to stay

Posted on 06/12/2009 at 5:06:07 AM

I have been doing a lot of research on dating a divorced dad. My boyfriend (I wish there was a more grown up word) has two boys (10 and 13) whom he adores, as he should. The trouble I'm having is at what point can I say make me a part of this picture. What I mean by that is instead of calling me last minute (as he usually does) to either say I'm switching weekends with the ex or we are going to have the most of the weekend (except nights), why not make me a part of the planning process and asking (instead of telling) me how I feel about hanging out with the kids all weekend. I feel like I'm making all of the sacrifices time wise whereas no one (him, the kids, or the ex) are making a consideration on how I am a part of this picture. I love him...but it's hard.

Posted on 05/13/2009 at 10:05:11 AM

While this is an informative piece, I wish there weren't so many errors. It really interrupted the flow of the reading.

Posted on 05/12/2009 at 7:05:05 PM

Great article, I enjoyed reading. I have an ex also and custody of our child. Dating is difficult to say the least. Great advice.

Posted on 08/26/2008 at 10:08:36 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he was married before and has 3 children with her. I am the one that deals with her. I go pick up the children and drop them off, he doesn't even talk to her. Which everybody likes that way. We get along better than him and the ex do.

Posted on 01/29/2008 at 8:01:44 AM

This is great advice. I'm a stepmom so I can really relate! Tolerating "The Ex" and not badmouthing is so important. I'm really shocked at the number of people who have an openly hostile relationship with the ex.

Posted on 06/21/2006 at 6:06:00 PM

nice article Karl. I've had a lot of personal experience with this situation and you did a fine job laying down a basic structure for "making things work."

Posted on 06/19/2006 at 4:06:00 PM

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