Women's Role in Gay Culture: Don't Call Me a Fag Hag

A couple of years ago, I met a guy and we quickly became friends. Wanting to be honest, he told me right away that he was gay. Since I feel someone's sexuality is their own business, I was a bit surprised that he was so open about it. I wasn't interested in him as more than a friend, so it was a bit of a relief that he was gay. I imagine that he was surprised by my pleased reaction.

Not long before I met my new friend, I started watching Will and Grace because the reruns were being aired late at night when nothing else was on. My friend liked this show and was glad that I was watching it. Was this because he felt I was seeing how to be a good fag hag?

What is a fag hag anyway?

A fag hag is a woman who prefers the company of gay men. It started out as a derogatory term, but has been embraced by the gay community. (The gay community tends to embrace all derogatory terms such as fairy, faggot, etc.) A fag hag is generally thought to be either an ugly woman who cannot attract a straight man or a woman who is in love with gay men. Fag hags aren't portrayed on television as being equal to their gay friend; it's more like they are their fans or sidekicks.

When I found out that my friend thought of his other female friend as a fag hag, I was a bit put off by this. But, she embraces the term. Maybe this is because she fits the description and has other gay male friends.

Not all women who have gay friends are fag hags.

When my friend called me his fag hag, I was highly offended. I don't prefer the company of gay men. I'm not a fag hag. And I don't appreciate being called that. We're supposed to be friends, equal friends. I'm no one's sidekick. He seemed disappointed when I told him this, which only made me angrier.

It seems to me that gay culture encourages viewing women as beneath gay men rather than being their friends who are their equals. I do not understand this notion. I wonder how many women put up with it to prevent being viewed as homophobic? After all, it is a part of gay culture. Friends should be treated as equals and there shouldn't be the expectation of them being their fag hag.