Handling Criticism: Acceptance is a Sign of Maturity

Few people enjoy being criticized. Sometimes, though, it can be helpful if 1) it is well-intended, and 2) we can get past our own defensiveness to really hear it and take it into account.

There are two basic varieties of what we call criticism. Knowing the one from the other and reacting accordingly is of the essence in taking advantage of what is well intended and disregarding that which is not. The first variety is what we call "constructive" criticism. This is criticism offered in good faith by someone who really cares about you and what you are doing who is motivated, in offering you critical feed back, to give you information you may be able to use to improve your life; Your job performance, interpersonal relationships or general understanding of things.

The second type is far less benign. This includes the many types of criticism that are ill-intended and are motivated by someone's wish to insult, demean, hurt you or undermine your abilities or confidence in yourself. On their surface, these two varieties may sound very similar to us because our initial reaction to either tends to be, initially, defensive. Very few people enjoy hearing critical feedback or comments about themselves.

To be able to sort out the one variety from the other and, subsequently, to attend seriously and with careful consideration to the first type is an observable measure of maturity and emotional stability in adults. To regard ALL criticism as being toxic or ill intended is generally not logical, reasonable or true. But to feel that way about it initially is quite common, predictable and entirely human.