Sports Briefs: Let's Hold Hands

The tension was palpable as he rubbed his sweaty palm on his newly ironed trousers. He gulped. Slowly reaching across the table, he took the girl's hand for the first time, unknowingly drenching her hand in warm perspiration to the point where her skin began to shrivel.

Of all the activities that could be considered sports, only soccer and ballroom dancing incorporate holding hands into the competitions. And whereas ballroom dancing involves a lady holding hands with what is presumably a man in tights, soccer is the only sport that involves athletes holding hands with youngerts.

Before every game the starters enter the field walking side by side, holding hands with a child (known as player escorts, as opposed to male escorts). The children are usually boys, and this is one of the more unique pregame traditions in sports and one that will surely be continued for years, unless ousted Congressman Mark Foley ever disguises himself as a midfielder.

The tradition was started in 2002 by the most enjoyable contributing factor to clogged arteries in the world: McDonald's. Mayor McCheese decided it would be a good idea for children, ages 6 to 10 and dressed in matching jerseys, to walk each team's starters onto the field before the game.

It is surprising this hasn't caught on in other sports.

Consider this a petition to allow my future child to walk hand-in-hand onto the field with Ray Lewis before a football game. I want my child to know what it's like to be in the tunnel on game day, to bask about being one of Lewis' dogs in the house. Maybe Brian Billick can teach my child how to kick a door down and go in screaming like a banshee. And hopefully Lewis will show Christopher Jr. how to dance.

Since 1994, McDonald's has sponsored each World Cup and have held worldwide contests in 2002 and 2006 to select kids from youth leagues in order to provide escorts for all the participating countries.

Heidi Fleiss once had the same idea, only she was arrested for it.

And like any good, homegrown, made in the USA product, the player escort idea was stolen by Major League Soccer.