How to Leave If You Are Afraid of Your Spouse

Spousal abuse, or any form of abuse for that matter is shameful. Victims of spousal abuse usually suffer from low self esteem, have cut off contact from family and friends so abuse will not be discovered, and are coerced into thinking they deserve whatever punishment is given to them. Making the decision to walk away from an abusive spouse is a huge accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself for gaining the self worth to do so.

CALL A PROFESSIONAL-
There are a lot of organizations that exist to help with spousal abuse. Rape Crisis, POWA and women's shelters will offer you support, counseling, will let you know what your legal rights are, and will help you plan an exist strategy. They will tell you to gather money, find a safe place to go, get personal items together (birth certificates, medical records, bank information, passports, etc) and contact the authorities.

REACH OUT TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY-
A lot of times, when caught in the pattern of abuse, we instinctively cut off ties with friends and family because we are either ashamed we allow ourselves to be treated so poorly, or to protect the person that is abusing us. To avoid questions or concerns, we tear away from people that may snoop into our personal lives. When you contact people to let them know you are leaving, most times, people are already aware of abuse and are happy to help and support you. By letting people know your predicament, you will have more people available to protect you. You also take power away from an abusive spouse when they aren't controlling you and your behavior any longer.

COLLECT INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE-
If you have had hospital visits, violent phones message or emails from your spouse, or if they have abused you physically or verbally in front of anyone, begin assembling a list. Get copies of your medical records, print out emails, make tapes of messages, and get statements from people who have witnessed your spouses aggressive behavior. Using these in custody battles will ensure that your spouse has little power over your children, or using them as pawns to keep you around.