When Do You Know it is Time to Leave a Relationship

It is the middle of the night. You're up; unable to sleep; fearful. You're exhausted from dodging the bill collectors; you're upset from having to scrape yet another meal together out of nothing; you got yelled at again; for nothing. At one time, the fist got clenched, along with teeth; you cowered. The punch never came; it wouldn't have mattered to you; you just don't care anymore.

Your oldest son has talked to you on occasion about the fact he can't sleep because he's afraid. He wonders aloud if he is a "bad boy"; "Am I causing the problems?"

You've noticed on more and more occasions a detachment from reality; or, more drinking, or, evidence of some substance abuse by your spouse. Those friends he or she's been running with are trouble.

He or she's not interested in sex. Their lives don't have the same patterns as normal. They aren't around much, and, when they are, they don't communicate. You don't talk together. Day after day; month after month; year after year it remains the same. Despite efforts; threats, pleading and bargaining, your spouse won't seek help alone or with you. Basically you, or, you and the kids, just exist.

If you are a Godly person you know what God says about giving up; you're supposed to pray, not leave.

I was the boy who was afraid every night. My father worked second shift. He came home at about eleven-thirty at night. I lay in bed awake until he went to bed afraid that should I sleep he might harm me. I remember being sent to the store to purchase thirty cents worth of bologna because my dad didn't give my mother any money for food; he was an alcoholic. My mother had no hearing in her right ear from being hit.

We left when I was eleven to live with my grandmother; we should have and could have left much sooner. My mother was always sure things were going to change and God didn't want us to go. My father's infidelity pushed her out the door.

When is it time to go? Why don't people go when they should?

People don't go because they have trouble admitting the truth. That truth is that the marriage has become one-sided. There are no longer two people involved.