How My Eating Disorder was Tricking Me

Like many other people, I've lived most of my life with an eating disorder. However, I really didn't know until recently which one it really was. Writer, doctors, and "experts" will go on and on about the topic through the clinical eyes of an observer. They'll tell you that there are three different types of eating disorders; anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating or binging. They'll define them just like their books tell them as if the three are totally separate diseases and they never mention how most people with eating disorders either combine the three, or trade off and make these disorders their own. I even remember reading articles in magazines about them which instead of dissuading me from continuing in my habits, actually ended up giving me tips and new ideas that I hadn't tried before. You might even read in those "clinical" diagnosis that eating disorders are directly related to vanity or narcissism. But the truth is, is that they don't know spit because they haven't been there... they've just read about it.

I used to think that my eating disorder began right before I started high school when I was 13 years old. I had been overweight all throughout middle school and was constantly made fun of to the point of paralyzing fear of going to school and having to hear the word "fat". So it suddenly came to me as if an epiphany, a concept or thought that I had never thought of before for some odd reason... "why don't I just not eat!' So I started dieting and became more and more compulsive about it. My mother encouraged it, thought it was a great idea! So the summer between middle school and high school I dropped about 15-20 pounds or so and I had just happened to have grown at least 3 inches.