How to Respond to Learning a Loved One is Gay

Generally speaking, when we learn that a loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual, we find ourselves shocked and racking our brains trying to remember if we ever saw any signs that we missed, as if they have some sort of disease with easily recognizable symptoms. For the record, if you think back and realize that the male in mind has a huge shoe collection or the female in mind never liked makeup, these are key indicators of nothing more and nothing less than a proclivity to like a variety of shoes or to dislike makeup.

Sexuality and fashion are not tied together no matter how many stereotypes may seem appropriate. The only indicator that a man is gay or that a woman is a lesbian or that your loved one is transsexual is that they have exhibited a proclivity to desire sex from men, in the case of males, women, in the case of females, and a discomfort with their birth gender, in the case of transsexuals of either sex. Regardless of your religious persuasion, evidence abounds that these things are not diseases or choices. They are part of the human condition. For the religious folks, let me say simply that one needn't practice heterosexuality in order to be heterosexual any more than one must practice homosexuality in order to be homosexual. If you are hetero, I will take a guess that you were interested in the opposite sex long before you made love.