Parenting Overview: Raising Children with Love and Security

Being a parent can be exhilarating and terrifying all at once. Bringing a new life into the world, we look forward to teaching him baseball and taking him to the games, or teaching her how to cook, maybe play the piano, or guide them into a career as a doctor or lawyer. So many ambitions swirl in our heads. First things first, we have to get them through infancy, out of diapers, up on their feet, through the potty phase, into school, socialize them, and when they get to high school they should have a vague idea of what they want to do. Right? If it were only that easy. The really strange thing about those eighteen years is that in the beginning you think you have so much time, will it ever end? Then, when they are eighteen and going off to college, you think, where did all the time go? How did we get here so fast?

One of the main things I wanted to do when I was raising my girls was to make sure that we didn't pass on to them the "family baggage". By baggage, I don't mean luggage. I mean all the emotional/psychological crap that make up what is known as family systems. It is the unspoken rules, if you will, of what families do. The various issues, codependency, any number of isms that a family can develop. Also abuse can take various form; obviously physical, emotional, and psychological. Each on leaving their distinct mark. My wife and I had our distinct versions of baggage. I was determined to not let that affect the girls as much as I could.

For me, the biggest thing that I did was to make sure they had lots of happy times complete with smiles and laughter. Seeing them enjoying themselves was the biggest thrill for me. Knowing that they were happy and could have a good time was so satisfying words cannot describe it. All I wanted to do was give them more than I had when I was their age. Not necessarily more material stuff, but more emotional good times than I had. That called for lots of love, hugs and interaction with them as they grew up. Sometimes it was the last thing I really wanted to do, but I soldered on, remembering what was at stake.