The Scary Season: Hunting Season in Appalachia

Late in the fall, weeks after Halloween was just a memory, began the most feared time of year those of us raised in rural Appalachia reffered to as "The Scary Season." It wasn't ghosts or goblins that chased us in our nightmares at night, but roving bands of camouflaged and neon orange adorned city-dwelling, gun-toting, Rambo wannabe's that invaded our normally peaceful existence. That's right, I'm talking about hunting season.

We were unfortunate enough to live a little less than three hours from Baltimore and Washington D.C. Our little corner of the world became the testing ground for wealthy businessmen and other professionals who wanted to kill something and drag it home. I have nothing against hunting. Two of my older brothers are avid hunters and have provided many a meal for our table growing up. What I do object to, is the notion that anybody could and should try their hand at hunting. My brothers ran into more than their share of these over-zealous killing machines.

One such encounter came during squirrel season. My brother John hadn't had any luck all day and was about to head home when he came across a pair of these bozos struggling with a rather heavy sack. Feeling sorry for my poor brother who hadn't shot even one squirrel, they offered to share theirs. Before my brother could protest, they had dumped a whole bag of chipmunks at his feet. John politely declined and walked off shaking his head in disbelief.

Turkey season wasn't any better, and a celebratory whoop from a nearby ridgeline brought my brother up from a ravine to see what the happy hunter had bagged. The poor guy was so excited he couldn't talk. He finally related how he came around a tree and there it was, his Thanksgiving turkey clinging to the side of a tree. My skeptical brother asked to see it, and when the proud hunter pulled a rather large red-headed woodpecker from his bag, my brother's shock was quite obvious. He never did tell the guy he had bagged a woodpecker, John figured he would find that out soon enough.