Tips for Becoming a Stepparent: Effective Communication and Defining Consequences are Key

Becoming a stepparent or even a "fake" stepparent (domestic partnerships) is terrifying. These are not your children and in some ways that makes you feel more responsible for their well-being. However with a bit of patience and good communication between everyone becoming a stepparent can be rewarding. I recently found myself in a blended family and here are some of the things we ran across.

Beginning Strategies

Before even moving in together we came up with a list of chores, rules and other expectations. We each drew up our own list and then sat down together and worked on a balance that could be agreed on. Once this was done we created a chart for each child so they could see what was expected of them. The key here was that each child had an individual chart and it was put where they could see it easily as a reminder of what was accomplished and what needed to be done. Although the initial chart took time it was a lifesaver when even I would forget whose week it was to clean the bathroom or take out the trash.

Discipline

One huge issue is how to deal with disciplining the other person's child. As a stepparent you don't want to over do it and you definitely don't want to have no discipline power either. This was another thing we discussed before moving in together. Since I would be the one home most of the time this was more of an issue for me. For things that we knew would most likely come up we decided on set consequences that made it easy for either of us to deal with any discipline issue immediately without having to consult the other partner but for those occasions that the kids surprised one of us with off the wall situations we agreed that the person there would deal with it by giving a mild consequence leaving time to discuss a more appropriate one together.

As a stepparent it is hard at times to dole out any consequence …you really hate to be the bad guy…but you have to stick to your guns and do not ever go back on a consequence. I have however, allowed them at times to work toward lessoning the consequence depending on what it was for.

From fun friend to wicked stepparent