First Time Motherhood: The Good, the Bad, and the Crazy

When I was pregnant, I was so sick of hearing from other mothers in that condescending tone, "Ah, you're about to be a mother. It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to even BEGIN to comprehend what it's like until you're holding that precious little bundle." Ick. Gag me. I was nauseated -- well, I was in general -- from the simpering tone and total know-it-all vibe these moms were emitting. I mean, give me a break, it isn't like they were the Virgin Mary. I believed it was completely possible for a soon-to-be mom or dad to imagine the feelings a baby would invoke. And during the excruciatingly long nine months of incubation I had developed quite an attachment to my son, thank you very much.

Then I had him. And darn it if all those Virgin Mary's weren't right. Though I hate to admit it and thus join the Virgin Mary Club, it is totally true: there is no way to describe the feeling of being a parent to a beautiful, innocent, amazing little baby. However, there are plenty of ways to discuss all the fun and fright that come as one experiences being a parent for the first time. I intend for this to be the first in a series of articles describing the trials and tribulations of first-time motherhood, and all the humorous bits along the way. I will give the whole point to all this in the beginning - I know, I know, I'm supposed to keep my audience in suspense. But I have never liked surprises, so here goes: if you can't keep your sense of humor through raising an infant, then you won't survive. It is an experience like none other, and often the only thing that gets me through -- other than chardonnay -- is laughing. In the end, if I couldn't laugh at how scared I get with every cough, every sneeze, ever scream and tear, I would be a bumbling basket case, and no good to my child, my husband, or myself.