Blending Families

In the family sense, anything with the prefixed title of “step” conjures of images of Cinderella’s evil stepmother favoring her own children with much love, and yet committing her life to making Cinderella, her stepdaughter’s life to misery. Hopefully time and understanding over the years has squashed that notion of “evil” and “favoritism” where “step’s” are concerned and the joining of family has squashed such stereotypes.

There is a definite uncertainty from both sides of the spectrum when dealing with the step mother/father role and the stepchildren. If a divorce is not amicable and the parents are left with bitter feelings towards each other, whether it is intentional or not, the children pick up on that and can instantly feel a sense of disdain for any “new” parent making their appearance in the family. The best thing that bitter exes can do, and should do, is resolve any anger or hostility for the time that they are with their children together or apart. Having worked with kids, I know exactly how keen and impressionable they are, many of my kids would not hesitate in telling me how much their mommies and daddies fight, what was said, and how they felt. That should be first and foremost, if you are divorcing, be absolutely certain you show the child they are loved and will always be loved by the two of you.

Okay, so the divorce is settled and now the new blended family begins. According to Dennis Rainey in an article he wrote for FamilyLife.com, he says, “though stepfamilies may look like traditional nuclear families on the outside, the dynamics on the inside are very different. Two completely unique family cultures, two completely different sets of traditions, two completely different ways of dealing with issues must now reach happy (or at least peaceful) coexistence in one family.”