The Top 5 Dumbest Facebook Applications

The title of this article's a bit of misnomer, because all Facebook applications are stupid. Still, there are some that are so mind-numbingly stupid, you consider tracking down their programmers, taking any number of necessary buses and planes in the process, and slapping them across the face with a large loaf of French bread.

Failing that, though, we can just rank them and look at how stupid they are. Let's do that, instead.

5. Top Friends - This ain't myspace. Don't rank your friends. That's just insulting, weird, stalker-y, and a little but confusing.

Sure, it's great for your top friends, but what about your bottom friends? Yeah, you didn't think about them, did you? Imagine how distraught they'll be when you don't add them to your top friends application on Facebook. Imagine.

Yeah. You think about that.

4. Pirates Vs. Ninjas - Somewhat the exact same thing as the Jedi vs. Sith application (and a host of other applications), this little doo-dad lets you choose a side, Pirates or Ninjas, and fight in a time before that joke got old.

The only way this would be a good Facebook application is if when someone selected "pirate", an actual ninja jumped through their window and killed them with a spoon. But in reality, that only happens like maybe 35% of the time when it's installed.

3. Honesty Box - The idea behind the "honesty box" application is that your friends can write you notes anonymously, honestly letting you know what they think about you. Seriously, now: who would put themselves through this kind of torture?

I know that if I installed this, my friends would, at the very least, try to make me think that someone was stalking me. At the worst, I'd end up burying a body under false pretenses, naked and covered in blue paint in the middle of Nevada.

Hey, it's happened before--I've learned my lesson.

2. Happy Hour - Oh, awesome, I can buy icons of drinks for my friends! Then, maybe they'll post icons of themselves drunk, and I'll wake up with an icon of a hangover and icons of vomit all over my Facebook wall. No thanks.