Body Building Tips for Older Men

Old Men are still men aren't they?

We want to look good to the ladies with muscles that make our shirts look too small. However, most of us can't bench press 500 pounds and run 5 miles everyday.

Is there any hope?

Well, here is how to do it:

CLOTHING:

Before we start on the exercises, we will want to be properly dressed. People do take pictures.

I picked up some clothing hints on the Internet by putting Body Building Clothing in the Google® search box.

You will need the following:

Item 1. Socks:

3-pair for $15.95

Item 2. T-Shirts:

You will need six (6), one for everyday but Sunday when you will be at church.

That will be $15.95 x 6 = $95.70

Item 3. Sweat Shirts:

Three (3) should do fine.

That will cost you only $24.95 x 3 = $74.85

Item 4. Full Zip Hooded Sweatshirt:

For windy days. $33.95

Item 5. Pants:

You will need three (3) pair.

That will also be 3 x $24.95 = $74.87

Item 6. Training Shoes:

$79.99

Item 7. Jogging Shoes:

$125.45

Item 8. Rain Gear Jacket with Hood:

$149.95

So for only 500 bucks or so, we are dressed.

Okay, be unprofessional. Go to Target® or Wal-mart® or such.

SUPPLEMENTS

For Body Building Supplements and such, I suggest you take your credit card down to the local health food store and have them fix you up.

This is a highly sophisticated subject so you will want the advice of a minimum-wage sales clerk.

BODY BUILDING EXERCISES

Are you now properly dressed?

Here is a set of body building excises to help you get your picture into Body Building World magazine:

Jogging-in-Place:

1. Stand in front of a full-length mirror with feet close together.
2. Raise your harms to waste height in front of you with fist clinched.
3. Put a stern grimace on your face.

Damn! We forgot to get you a hat. Add $14.95.

Now, remember that you are not Jessie Owens. (Old men know who Jessie Owens was. He made Hitler look like a chump.)

4. Slowly left your left foot from the floor being careful not to damage your knee by too early exertion.

5. Drop it down again.

6. Now raise the right knee and do the same.

Did you count cadence in the military?

7. In a strong voice, slowly at first, say: Hut-2-3- 4!

You will be raising your left foot on "Hut" and "3."