Reality is the Reason for Divorce

I think that the most frequent cause of divorce is reality.

In the beginning, it would seem we needed the illusion that we have met the perfect partner, the one that completes us and the one with whom we will grow old.

And wanting that dream is a fine thing. We start believing in it when we hear the childhood stories, see the movies, and read the books of our cultures. We want our own happy ending like a fairy tale. We want to be the Prince Charming or Cinderella. We need the illusion, if only for a while.

Don't believe me? I want you to think hard about your own history for a second; about the relationships you have had. Really use your memory to look at all the people you let into you life and heart. Then ask your self this; did you really want to know the real, actual facts about each of these people before you got involved; where they have lived and worked in the past, if they were married before or are still married to someone else or if they have child support problems or bad debts chasing them?

Chances are you will be honest and realize your answer is no. You wanted the fantasy not the reality. You wanted the rush of love and lust not the day to day reality of "taking out the trash" we live with. Interesting isn't it that we convince ourselves to ignore reality; to never do a background check on that person as that would be an invasion of their privacy, etc... We convince ourselves to stay in ignorance of reality; we make ourselves blind to all the facts but temporarily happy.

Finally when our "perfect" relationship wanes, we become insecure and question everything. We even wonder if that other individual could be harmful to us mentally or maybe physically. Our delusions and reality clash until we see the value of ourselves as an individual and understand the illusion we followed blindly should be abandoned. The process of lying to ourselves before, during, and up to the point in the relationship when we realize we made a big mistake is then complete.

Here are a few web sites that may provide more assistance.

http://www.divorcesource.com/archives/counseling.shtml

http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/divorce/article19.asp